Or Are You Being Driven By Your Needs…?

I don’t care what anyone says, you may have qualifications coming out of your ears, you may have 20 years’ career experience behind you and an IQ of 160, but the fact remains that if you have unmet needs in your life these ould impede your progress, even without you realising it. These might be completely subconscious drivers, simmering away beneath the surface. This  will manifest in any number of ways. 

For instance, have you ever had conversation with someone who was really excited about something and were keen to share this with you.  But instead of feeling elated and pleased for them, you ended up resenting them?  Their good day was a trigger for you to have a bad one.  And then your day spiralled out of control as you grumpily drove to your next meeting, gesticulating at the driver who ‘cut you up’ at the traffic lights shouting crazily at them, “yeah, same to you – you **** Moron!!”

Unmet needs could include a need for security, love, friendship, power or control for instance.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessary just talking in the negative here. A need might include a strong or adventurous creative streak, or a uuge interest in interacting and entertaining people, but your career might not provide any outlets for your this, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and bored.

Maybe you have a very precise and ordered mind, but the environment you work in doesn’t require those skills. You may be an absolute natural at attracting and engaging with your customers, but instead you’re stuck in the back office working on strategic planning and feel like a canary in a cage with it’s wings clipped. If there is no outlet for your inherent talents you may have to comply and adapt in order to fit in. But that’s like keeping the lid on a pressure cooker.

I fell into this trap many times, trying REALLY hard to get things right, when I should have said to myself “look Wendy, stop and think. Is this where your talents are best spent?” I’d grown tired of working for someone who’s keen eye for detail was driving me insane. And the harder I tried to be absolutely perfect the worse it got.  Being a people pleaser got me absolutely nowhere.

What I didn’t know was that actually had I been a little more self-aware and made the conscious choice to apply my natural gifts and transition into something else, I would have found myself effortlessly moving into ‘the zone’. I would have been less stressed and lacking in confidence, because once I’d identified something wasn’t quite I could then proactively take action . Which is why our emotions have a very important role to play here.

Sometimes we may experience negative feelings and assume that these must be suppressed at all costs because we fear failure or being exposed as falling short in some areas. Consequently our deepest needs stay buried for years, and our true potential never sees the light of day.

But what if you were to stop for a minute and acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling as a sign or a warning flag
that’s madly waving at you which says: “hello, pay attention, we’re trying to tell you something – you need to take some action here”.

Interestingly if you were unable to feel any emotion this would seriously impact on your ability to make decisions, which is why emotions are crucial guides in our decision-making process.

At this point, if you are a man reading this, the subject of emotions and feelings might possibly be enough to bring you out in a rash or make you run for the hills. That’s absolutely fine and I want to reassure you that this blog isn’t about getting in touch with your ‘feminine side’ or encouraging you to sit around in a circle singing sad songs with a tambourine.

However, the word ‘emotion’ doesn’t necessarily equate with weakness or failure.

Emotions are warning lights for us to act upon. Feelings of slight unease could deteriorate into bigger and more profound emotions when these flags are ignored or dismissed altogether. But living with feelings of regret and guilt for instance, have so little energy attached to them they achieve precisely nothing. So, if you bring your needs to work either because you aren’t working to your strengths or haven’t acknowledged that there’s something amiss, then you might engineer situations in order to satisfy them and get a quick fix instead, which is a short term strategy. If your career doesn’t provide you with an outlet for your natural talents and skills your progress up the ladder may be slow, especially if you either a) don’t recognise there is a problem or b) aren’t prepared to reflect on this or change direction to look for something more rewarding (because presumably you’re too busy being grumpy). The energy will have stalled and you won’t be in the flow.

A need may become a blind spot that you don’t even realise you have, although to other people it probably stands out a mile. This blind spot may manifest in any number of ways, to your detriment. For example, if you insist on your colleagues conforming to your methods (because your method works for you but not for them) others may resist you, argue with you, contradict you and then eventually fall out with you completely. For
instance, if you’re a big picture person but your superior is a lover of fine detail and they spent more time than is absolutely necessary pointing out the minor flaws in your plans, this may grate a little, leading to some frank
exchanges and major differences of opinion. And who’dbe right here? Is anyone ever absolutely right?

We can be quite territorial when it comes to our needs and go to extreme lengths to preserve our ‘patch’ and may expect other people to conform or tow the line to preserve the status quo.

Listen and pay attention to the signals you are receiving through your feelings and think about how you are currently dealing with them. Sometimes we deal with our needs in odd and not very logical ways. This is your subconscious mind, like a little kid brother or sister, desperately trying to make things right for you but without the benefit of experience or balanced rational thought.

More strategies like this can be found in my new book “Discover Yourself On The Yellow Brick Road – 7 Core Principles of Career Success”

 Advice For Workaholic Adrenaline Junkies…

If your workload or career is pushing your stress levels through the roof, then what follows is a simple guide to how your brain works. I know because, being a borderline adrenaline junkie, I’ve had to learn some of
these strategies myself to stay balanced. Believe me,  beating stress is more about being a big kid…here’s why.

Do you remember when you were a child and the summer holidays seemed to last forever? You invented games to play from the most innocuous and mundane objects, which became holy shrines or magic keys. Drinks turned
you into a superhero. Up until the age of 10, that is.
That’s because before the age of 10, children primarily use the right hemisphere of their brain – the creative side. The creative right side of the brain produces Alpha waves, and when you meditate, your brain produces more Alpha waves. In Alpha we naturally have a better command of life, our health and our moods. We are able to think more clearly, can consider responses and perhaps make more creative decisions, with better longterm results. Alpha thought waves help us to access that part of the brain responsible for more enlightened, sophisticated thinking.

John Levine composes Alpha Music to help people relax and is used by Complementary Therapists to help their clients easily produce Alpha waves and therefore enter a deep state of relaxation very quickly. I was introduced to this music by a therapist friend, and regularly listen to
this when I am brainstorming, writing when relaxing or meditating. It’s extraordinarily serene. According to Levine research shows that when we’re in Alpha through to Theta (as we prepare to go to sleep), the brain also produces a number of chemical hormones which affect our mood, productivity and general health. Delta waves then take over as we fall into slow wave (deep sleep). However, after the age of 10 different brain waves take over – Beta waves. Beta waves vibrate at a higher frequency and are linked with the left logical side of the brain. Coincidentally this is when children move on to secondary school, where everything gets really ‘serious’. Gone are the lazy days spent fishing for newts and making mud pies (by the way if you didn’t made mud pies when you were a kid – you haven’t lived!). Now it’s all homework, course modules, mock exams, routines and remembering loads of facts – fun, eh? Leaving  precious little time for imaginative thinking, talking or creative pastimes, which could lead to stress.

Levine also discovered that although Beta waves are important, if this is the dominant thought wave, we remain hyped-up and stressed. So being in this state is not good long term. We are less likely to make rational choices and our responses are more primitive as higher thinking begins to shut down. However, some people appear to be born with a gift for increased Alpha wave production. Scientists have established that creative people operate in Alpha and Theta states far more frequently than the rest of us.

Eventually we leave school to start a career, with the accompanying train timetables, spreadsheets, passwords e-mails and compliance, etc. All logical left brain stuff and yet more Beta brain activity. In fact bringing your creative streak out in a work environment (in some organisations) is positively frowned upon and discouraged. Until, that is, you wake
up one morning and wonder why you haven’t a single scrap of innovation left in you. You can’t switch off because you’re so stressed-out having to reach all your ‘targets’. As Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional
Intelligence” puts it “Stress Makes You Stupid”. With all that Beta brain activity going on, there’s just no inspiration or fun in your life any more. Using ‘Beta’ thought waves too often is like driving your car everywhere in first gear. Being grown up and serious has  actually become really stressful. All the routine, discipline and targets haven’t actually made you anymore effective or indeed any happier. Need I say more?

This is where you may become even less effective, shut off from the ‘source’ – the source being the pipeline leading directly to all new ideas and innovation: your creative right brain. Although it is important to point out that you need a good balance between the left and right sides.

“Experiments show that most children rank highly creative (right brain) before entering school. Because our educational systems place a higher value on left brain skills such as mathematics, logic and language than it does on drawing or using our imagination, only ten percent of these same children will rank highly creative by age 7. By the time we are adults,
high creativity remains in only 2 percent of the population.”
Dan Eden, Editor, Viewzone.com

Early signs of stress include being a bit tetchy, food cravings, mood swings, feeling extremely tired or hypedup leading to sleep problems caused by too much Beta brainwave activity and stress hormones racing around your bloodstream.

Long-term stress will have disastrous consequences for your health. As you get older, your body will find it harder and harder to cope and could be the reason why some people are struck down with chronic conditions
such as arthritis, chronic fatigue, IBS, High Pressure, and raised levels of cholesterol. The short-term solution is treatment with conventional drugs, when in fact the long term and ultimately the best solution is to
give your lifestyle a complete overhaul.

Not paying attention to your stress levels and lifestyle, affects your body, your energy levels, and your resistance to stress. Ultimately, your ability to rationalise and memorise, and your performance at work will suffer.

Turn Up Your Speakers

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In this week’s Podcast Suzanne Bolwell-Davies from Flexible Hr Ltd and I are discussing  the real meaning of “The Jewel In the Nile“.    If  a coach ( i.e. a ‘Diamond polisher’) could walk into your life with the skill and the wisdom to guide you in the right direction, would that become a priceless opportunity?

I have put together a list of 50 reasons why coaching can help individuals who are finding their career too stressful, who have aspirations to aim higher but haven’t so far taken action, or who would love to discover just what they are destined to become.  As the character played by Danny Di Vito Discovered in this film, sometimes what you’re looking for isn’t necessarily the end of the story …

 Click Here To Listen (12.42 mins)

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Running a business hasn’t all been plain sailing for Suzanne Bolwell-Davies of Flexible HR Ltd as she discovered recently.   Everything was going really well until she ruptured her achilles tendon whilst playing tennis. She’s now in plaster up to her knee and is in a wheel chair or has to get about with the aid of crutches.  Suzanne can’t drive, she can’t even leave her house!  Plus she has a daughter at school, and a business to run.  Hear how she’s been coping …

Click here to listen to our first Pod Cast

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Here’s a sample Chapter of my new Book “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road – 7 Core Principles of Success”
http://www.myebook.com/index.php?option=ebook&id=7008. This has already been read over 4,000 times so it’s pretty popular!!