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Have you pushed yourself so hard on the road to succcess that you are on the point of burning out? Have you experienced a health scare, but your lifestyle and way of doing things is so second nature, that you have no idea how you are going to change…?

Are you like Dan ‘Scarecrow’ Burnside who found himself at the Doctors one morning when he’d been given a wake up call?

He sat facing the locum at the Doctor’s Surgery. His usual GP was absent today, but the man sitting before him looked strangely familiar, in fact he was probably the happiest and jolliest Doctor he’d ever met in his life. He read the nameplate on the desk which read ‘Dr. M. Unchkin’. He was so short Dan could barely see him over the desk, as the Doctor read out the roll-call of stress related ailments that Dan was suffering with – IBS, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol and he had recently added eczema and a stomach ulcer to the list.

Dan was constantly hyped-up and ‘wired’. Paradoxically however, he was very successful and actually thrived on stress until very recently. Because success came at a price. The trouble was there were only 24 hours in a day and he was constantly running around like a headless chicken. Dan worked extremely hard but he regularly missed meals, rarely took any time off and frequently over committed himself.

This was beginning to affect his health, his behaviour and his relationships. In fact, he had started to realise that if he didn’t stop and take stock, he would burn out altogether and his marriage would be in ruins. Dan was literally coming apart at the seams. His chaotic lifestyle was reflected in his out of control blond hair and appearance, even though he only wore the most expensive suits and bought ludicrously expensive shoes.

The Doctor continued, “Now, Mr Burnside, I’ve looked at your notes for the past six years and it’s becoming increasingly evident that it’s a lifestyle thing. You need to get a grip on your stress levels, because I’m not going to prescribe any more drugs. To be honest with you, they wouldn’t do you any favours anyway. “ “Oh,” thought Dan. “So what are you going to do for me instead?” he asked.  

• Dan had to admit that he struggled with his time management.

• He found it hard to delegate, ask for help and say no to anyone’s demands.

• He enjoyed taking on the whole world with one hand tied behind his back, and still be home in time for tea!

His success was reflected in the car, the bank account and the big house. However, he knew that he must learn to use his head to work out a new strategy otherwise he could lose everything, there wasn’t enough time to stop and think these days!

Find out what happens to Dan and what he did to change his lifestyle and improve his health in my new book “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road - 7 Core Principles of Career Success” click here to find out more…

“I have read so many self-help, motivational and coaching books during my career and it takes a lot these days for me to put my hands in my pocket and add to my book collection, but ‘Discover Yourself on the Yellow Brick’ road is brilliant. “  Gail Smirthwaite     - Golf Mind Guru

“In the busy world we live in where the ‘to do’ list is always way too ambitious this book really gives you a moment to take stock and really think. It asks questions that you may squirm at answering but it does genuinely give you a fresh insight into what makes you tick.

“For someone who rarely reads books like this it was like a stroll by the sea on a beautiful day - deeply satisfying, inspiring and invigorating.”

Gail Clark  - The Marketing Specialist 

Do you recall that phrase, ‘if the cap fits then wear it’?

When I was about 11 years old, my father entered into a crazy business scheme with someone he met on holiday. Now my dad was ordinarily a very astute and intelligent businessman;  However, one year for some reason he forgot all reason when he became distracted and set up a joint venture in Southend and opened a bricks and mortar business - A Fishmongers!   

My father’s principle business was commercial land and property, and he was really good at this. He was an ace negotiator and had an uncanny ability to get people to people to like him and therefore to do business with him. He was magic at it. He would get the most stubborn landowners to hand over their parcel of land to him, where everyone else had failed.

But one thing he wasn’t very good at or didn’t particularly enjoy was working with the general public. He hated it.  He was one of the friendliest people I know, and loved meeting new people and had tons of friends.  But paradoxically he didn’t have the patience for people who weren’t on his wavelength. 

So why he moved in another direction is a mystery.

Not only that but he decided to introduce his 5 daughters into the fish trade as well! Ugh - I can still remember the smell of all that fish and how freezing cold it was! It was a bit of a novelty at first, but that soon wore off when I decided that I’d got frost bite from the bitterly cold wind blowing in from the North Sea.

Eventually the business failed and he lost a lot of money (and a good friendship); and he went back to doing what he did best - negotiate commercial property deals out of nowhere.

Sometimes we meet people along our pathway who mysteriously turn up when we’ve temporarily lost faith in our own ability. Then we leave our path and follow them in search of the Unicorn that they’ve promised us is just over the hill. They may appear to hold the key that will lead us to Nirvana - when in reality if we’d searched within the answer was with us all along. Several hills (and no Unicorn) later -we wake up to the reality that WE are the best judge of everything we do.

Even Alan Sugar had to admit in a recent profile about his life and work, that he took leave of his senses when he decided to buy Tottenham Hotspurs Football Club several years ago. His wife went berzerk when he told her. With hindsight he accepted that he’d made better decisions in his career. So we’ve all been there.

But sometimes - you need someone there to help you to get back on the path. Someone who doesn’t have their own agenda, someone who will let you work it all out and gain clarity, focus and complete understanding. Which is one of the reasons why I went into Coaching.

Think about this for a minute.  What would that be like for you to shut the door pick up the phone, switch off your mobile, tell everyone to go away and spend the next hour talking to your own coach about what’s REALLY on your mind?  And knowing that the person on the other end of the phone isn’t a nagging wife, a self indulgent girlfriend, an anxious mother, your mocking best friend, or your stressed out business partner who’s children have just gone down with measles. 

The most successful people eventually start working with a coach or a mentor.  I’d be lost without mine! 

But what would working with your own coach get for you? 
Click here to find out…

Warmest Regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

It was a prestigious event organised by the then PLA (Port Of London Authority), and as the evening wore on, it became clear that one club definitely had the edge over the competition and were on their way to glory - except that the fans of the opposing side had other ideas…

But the result would all come down to the last bout.

Despite most of the competitors hailing from very rough areas of London, I sat there awe struck - not just because they were all amazing physical specimens but because there was something else about them that really fascinated me. Their demeanour displayed such pride and confidence in themselves. They carried themselves like gods!

Both sides had hefty support in numbers, and as the final bout got underway the supporters became more vocal. It was when one side, sensing that their man might not take home the prize, that things turned ugly. Supporters from the losing camp completely lost their cool and rather than be sportsmanlike and adhere to the Marquess of Queensberry Rules, they took matters into their own hands. One threw a punch. Another got up and threw a chair. Then it was a table. With terrifying speed the whole place was in uproar and deteriorated into a mass brawl.

My boyfriend and I were pinned up against the side wall, but with the help of another spectator, he managed to deposit me onto the windowsill and out of harms way. So I stood and watched a whirlwind of bottles, fists and chairs flying around for 5 minutes. A frightening vortex of menace, blood and broken glass - until order was restored and the contest was awarded to the other side (who were going to win anyway, no surprises there).

It also takes your power away, and turns you into a victim rather than a victor and clouds your decision making. When the ‘red mist’ decends - it’s game over. But you can still stand head and shoulders over the competition even when you lose - because it’s how you handle the bad times as well as the good that counts. Because bad times are actually the training ground which provides the learning opportunities (masquerading as challenges) that prepare you for greatness!

Poor results are an opportunity to pause, reflect and examine where you might need to change your approach:-

• Disasters can be turned to your advantage if you look closely enough; to become incredible stories to share and inspire others.
  
• Disappointments could even opportunities to divert you onto a more profitable path
  
• Look for the positives in everything
  
• Conduct yourself like the winner everywhere you go even when things look bleak
  
• Be prepared to change directions, sometimes at short notice
  
• Gather a crowd of supporters around you who are with you through thick and think - not just when things are going well
  
• Give away praise and recognition to others even when there’s nothing in it for you

Need further inspiration? Download my free e-book “Ultrapreneurs Unplugged - What They Don’t Tell You About Building A Successful Micro Business” containing 96 pages of inspirational insights from entrepreneurs, interviews with successful entrepreneurs plus some useful tools and tips for the small business owner and entrepreneur.

Warmest regards

A mystery Careers Adviser has made another random appearance on the London to Norwich train from Liverpool Street Station.  The woman characterised by her striking red shoes and cheery nature, gave a copy of a ‘magic’ book to one of the commuters. 

Tom Tindall-Heart - Reinsurance Executive who works in London boarded the train home from Platform 18 at Liverpool St Station, after a night out with a few friends.  “I was a little worse for wear after a few drinks and I sat next to a very striking looking girl wearing the most amazing shoes!  I got talking to her about my job and how much I hated it, and ended up more or less telling her my life story.  She was so nice.  My heart just isn’t in my job any more.  I’ve been meaning to sort something out but just coulnd’t see the wood for the trees.  I’ve in a bit of a rut to be honest. 

I don’t quite know where she blew in from but she hopped off the train at Chelmsford - but not before she handed me a copy of a book “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road” and told me to read it straight away.  I took her advice and it’s definitely galvanised me into action!”

Other reports have come in describing similar brief encounters with the Mystery Careers Adviser.  One such person received help after her boss began to bully her at work.

Louisa Lyons - Graduate Accountant was on the London Underground talking to her sister about her bullying boss.  Louisa explains…”Yes my sister knows The Mystery Careers Adviser who told her about this book.  I was fed up with my boss pouring cold water over my ideas, and had frankly had enough of it.  My boss  ’The Witch’ has been ruining my life, so my sister suggested I get hold of a copy of this book.   My confidence was at an all time low, but I didn’t feel brave enough to stand up to her.  Yes, I know you can’t just wave a magic wand and hope it will all go away, but since ”Discover” I’ve had a bit of a breakthrough.    The Mystery Careers Adviser carries a little black dog around with her in a basket and is a real people person apparently”

Another sighting we’ve received came from Dan “Scarecrow” Burnside who lives somewhere in the South East.  He heard about her through his Doctor.

Dan - Successful Entrepreneur, visited his GP suffering with chronic stress.  “The penny dropped when my Doctor said I had to come off all the pills he’d prescribed to me.  All he did was hand me a copy of a book - which had mysteriously found it’s way into his hands.  I can only think that the Mystery Careers Adviser had something to do with it.  It was hard to admit that I have been the engineer of my own downfall.  Being so stressed, I just wasn’t thinking straight.  And  frankly it had knocked the stuffing out of me. But after reading the book and putting into action some of the strategies, I’m back on track and on fire!”

So, be on the look out for the Mystery Careers Adviser.  She’s in her twenties, attractive with dark hair and wears red sparkly shoes.  We don’t know what her name is.  She’s been known to engage in random acts of kindness by giving away a book which contains all her secrets.  We think there’s a bigger organisation behind her.

Further information on the ‘magic’ book can be found here…

Or how not to handle your staff during a crisis

Before my car was stolen one freezing January afternoon, I had quite a lot of respect for one boss I used to work for.  I thought he was a fair minded, well balanced decent bloke.  But I was wrong.

The theft of my car meant that I had to get a lift home, I was extremely upset and of course I had no transport or means of getting to work.

The journey to work the next day took two train journeys plus it was the middle of winter, and minus 3 degrees.  Now for reasons known only to my boss, he chose to wait in his office for my arrival the next morning.

He confronted me in his office and asked me why I was late, and when I gave my reasons he read me the riot act and announced -  “I don’t care what’s going on in your personal life!  Your job is to get here for 8.30 in the morning.  Get yourself another car!” 

Of course I handled it beautifully – I completely lost it and accused him of being totally insensitive and thoughtless.  Then he marched me into my office  and told me to calm down while he went and called the HR Manager to convene a hastily arranged formal “warning”, saying that I was behaving like a ‘fish wife’ by ranting on at him.  Then he locked the door and didn’t come back for an hour!  A rather medieval approach to man management I thought.

I was baffled.  My boss was clearly off his rocker, but little did I realise that this was the beginning of a long campaign to bully me out of my job.  It would be a long and very tense 12 months as he pulled every trick out of the book to ‘engineer’ a reason to get me fired.  It was scarey.

With hindsight of course I have my own views on that, which I won’t share here, suffice it to say that I am surprised he’s still walking around.  And I definitely should have taken legal advice. 

But  my point here is that handling staff could for some managers be unchartered territory.  And in some situations you may find that any demonstration of emotion may be a bit scary and like a rebellion, must be crushed to a pulp immediately; because in some institutions emotion has no part to play in corporate life, as it’s seen as weakness and a threat to the status quo.

But the truth is, we are all human and sometimes “shit happens”.  But how do you handle someone who’s probably not operating at 100% because of one or two things going on in their life,  which could temporarily affect their performance or their attitude? 

Do you right them off and get rid of them asap?  What if you used another approach like coaching them?  Granted they might leave of their own accord because they are clearly in the wrong role; or  you could work on their training, performance and self development and thus turn them into a bit of a star.  The complete win/win.

Of course this may never happen to you, and your staff may never cause you any problems, but just in case they do here are a few guidelines:-

1. If a crisis has loomed in their life, first ask questions and get the facts about the situation
2. Be supportive and don’t make assumptions or judge them prematurely
3. Work at finding a solution by using proper protocols and staff grievance procedures
4. Be careful how you handle potentially sensitive or volatile situations, because  if things take a turn for the worse and your member of staff walks out – this could back fire badly on you later.  I was systematically bullied out of my job and received zero support from the management team.  I should have taken legal advice but chose not to.  If you are not following employment law guidelines or at the very least have taken some advice on HR/Health and Safety policies and procedures you could land in hot water.
5. Treat people with respect.  Handling staff can be really tough, but accept that people do make mistakes or go off the rails occasionally.  Think “the problem is the problem, not the person”
6. Think about providing some coaching or mentoring - so rather than trying to fix a ‘problem’ person - look at ways to enhance their performance and turn them into an asset rather than a liability
7. If a member of staff is experiencing temporary personal difficulties – (i.e. having their car stolen by a maverick ex-partner for instance) just let them go home and get themselves sorted out. 
8.  Trust that they will be thankful for your faith and belief in them and return the favour with loyalty and commitment

Now, unfortunately my boss  lost a golden opportunity to do the decent thing for another human being. 

Which is basically why I went into the coaching business.  At the end of the day performance and bad management is all down to the same thing – behaviour and how you handle the situation.  Think in every interaction with someone else you are always 51% responsible.  It’s a two way street.

I’m knee deep in creating a special report “The Accidental Entrepreneur -  200 things I wish I’d known when I started my business” which contains the results of a short survey of entrepreneurs and the challenges they have face when starting their businesses – which includes handling staff. 

Hear what they have to say when this is published next month.

Warmest regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

Has a good night’s sleep turned into a myth, is it a thing of the past or something that ‘other people’ have, but not you?   When WAS the last time you slept right through? And is this affecting your ability to be really effective in your job, your ability to make decisions and handle stressful situations…? 

 Well, if you’re struggling to find the answer I’ve been given some top Tips from Top Coach June Whittle.  Read on…

 You’d be surprised if I told you the most common method of dealing with sleeplessness. Most people who struggle to sleep have NO sleeping strategy. They do NOTHING about it and suffer daily. Let me share with you 5 top sleeping tips which will change your life forever.

 5 Top Sleep Tips

•  Be open-minded. Some of these tips might seem simple - even obvious. Have you tried them though? … Consistently? … Really?
• Remember ‘doing nothing’ is the most common attitude to sleepless nights! Do something - notice the difference!

1 . How do you ’signal’ to yourself that it’s time for sleep? Cultivate a consistent, calming bedtime routine. Give yourself time for reflection.  Focus on the good things in your life. Think of at least 3 good things that happened during the day - however small.

 2. How often do you exercise?  If you’re tired and haven’t been sleeping, I know that the last thing you want to hear about is exercise!! Studies show that sufferers of persistent fatigue benefit from low-intensity exercise like an easy walk.

 3. Do you listen to anything that will gently guide you to sleep? Buy, beg or borrow a relaxation or sleep CD for quick results - if you listen to it!! It helps you to ’switch off’ and drift into a soothing sleep. If your mind is buzzing and you can’t let go of all the thoughts whizzing around in your head, listen to it! Replace those thoughts! If you wake in the night and can’t get back to sleep - listen to the CD. My Sleep CD has a track to gently guide you to sleep when you go to bed AND a track to guide you back to sleep when you wake in the night. www.sleepless.zite.me

 4. What time do you close the kitchen? Avoid food and drink for at least 2 hours before you go to bed.

 5. Can you do this? Turn off the television and your mobile phone! Do it at 30 minutes before you go to bed. Exposure to the ‘talk’ mode signal of a phone has been found to delay the onset of sleep.

 Now, enjoy a good night’s sleep and notice the positive changes it brings to your life.    

June Whittle’s sleep CD will support you in your desire for a deep and beneficial night’s sleep.

Available from www.sleepless.zite.me

I have a confession.  I really shot myself in the foot when I wrote a self development book for the British market; because let’s be honest, the majority of the UK population (unlike our American cousins) don’t ‘do’ self development.

That’s why we invented boxing, rugby and Millwall on a Saturday afternoon.

The British have their own version of self development which we call ‘the stiff upper lip’, the Charge of the Light Brigade, Polar Explorers and heroes courageously changing the world with one hand tied behind their back, and still home for tea at 5.00 o’clock; and all without breaking into a sweat! 

The stiff upper lip has been in our blood for centuries - but the big flaw in this strategy in this - it creates problems somewhere else, later on.

Take Queen Elizabeth I for example.  She led a nation, devoted herself to reform, had the mind of a political genius, and saw off The Spanish Armada. Even when hearing that her former lover and life long friend Rober Dudley - Earl of Leicester  had suddenly died - she sank to the stone floor of her bed chamber and lay there alone for three days and wept, and ate or drank nothing.

The average Brit doesn’t need any ‘help’ thanks.  Perhaps its centuries of invations, plagues and wars.

Even Brits abroad don’t really enjoy themselves - instead what do they do?  They end up having a punch up and get thrown into prison.  OK OK, not necessarily your Auty Sylvia, but I think you know what I mean.

So, why did I write a book for a nation that isn’t into navel gazing or introspection?  Talking to a ‘professional’ about your problems is something that we Brits don’t even tell the family cat about, and definitely not your best mates.

Whereas over the pond - nearly everyone has their own Coach, Psychotherapist, or Psychiatrist. 

Over here instead we do 20 pints of lager and a packet of crisps or ‘Retail therapy’.  But underneath the calm British cool; somewhere underneath the manic over achieving workaholic is something called ‘feelings’.

We’ve spent eons running away from our feelings and pretending everything’s absolutely okay in a kind of Monty Python comic way.

But eventually for some people their strategy for coping by NOT letting their feelings show will eventually become an even bigger problem.

The retail therapy leads to debt, the binge drinking leads to liver failure or obesity and the denial of what was once a young man’s dream soon turns into a life of meaningless compromise and a stomach ulcer.

So, I couldn’t write a book telling everyone to just be positive, when a millenia of conditioning has taught the British to be ready for the invasion, death, pestillence and the Blitz!  Being sensitive, tender and caring just isn’t the way its done.  It’s just not cricket is it Carstairs!?

So, I’ve gone via the back door and told three stories of  characters who aren’t having a great time, don’t wake up ready to hit the gym after they’ve drank a pint of pulped seaweed whilst reading that book about goal setting.

The average brit wants reality before they can get to believe that something good’s coming.  Which is precisely what my book is all about.

So, if you’re a Brit reading this and don’t do ‘Self Improvement’ and think its for softies.  Listen up - the people it’s written for aren’t soft.

They’re striving with everything they have - but have hit a brick wall whilst getting there.  That brick wall was created because of their own behaviour, programming and beliefs.  Sooner or later many of us face this challenge.  

However the characters in my book have decided to let their guard down just far enough to let some ideas through, which could in the end be the perfect antidote to their challenges; And in so doing end the pain, save them time, precious energy (and the occasional relationship) along the way and GET CONSCIOUS about what they’re doing - it might just be worth a look.

“Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road” might sound like it’s a book for children - when actually it contains some real sensible, practical and inspirational stuff - and it’s one of the easiest and most straightforward books you will ever read.

Follow the link here to read a sample chapter…

Have you ever considered buying something, but the person selling to you was just too bloody clever or pushy for their own good and ruined the whole experience? 

Or were you trying to sell to someone and they were resisting everything you said, and was it like wading through treacle?

 Welcome to the Hare trying to sell to the Tortoise.

In this blog I’m going to share with you a way for both of these creatures to get on a lot better and generate a good outcome for both of them.

Because if they’re singing from different song sheets – neither of them will reach any consensus. 

And what if your office is full of tortoises and you’ve been landed with the task of managing them?

 What if you’re a Tortoise and your boss is a Hare?

Firstly, let’s define our Tortoise.  To a Hare they’ll appear pedantic and slow whereas a Toitoise would call themselves ‘careful, thanks very much’.

A Hare would come across to a Tortoise as pushy and ‘in your face’ – but would call themselves “actually I’m just enthusiastic” 

Can you see already that they’re talking different languages and have begun to be quite territorial about their position?  They will both try and grab the flag and claim the higher ground (”I’m right!”) -  in a fruitless attempt to win the battle, but are doomed to lose the war.  In a marriage they could literally spend the rest of their lives trying to ‘convert’ the other round to their way of seeing the world – with the same failed outcome.  Which, by the way might explain that age old cliche “my wife just doesn’t understand me…”

The Hare in charge of a Tortoise will use phrases to describe their friend such as  “obstinate, closed, infuriating, picky” whereas in the eyes of a Tortoise the Hare could come across as “pushy, flash, insincere and glib” – words that wouldn’t feature in Tortoise language – ever.

Do you further see that the relationship between these two characters could deteriorate into a stalemate, stonewalling or power struggle?  And even worse than that, if the number of Tortoises outnumbers the Hare – the Hare could end up being ostracised or made to feel ‘different’ because the Tortoises could make massive assumptions about the behaviour of the Hare – because they will apply their own rules.  But that’s like trying to force a piece of jigsaw into the wrong place. 

To a tortoise – rushing around and enthusiastically making friends with complete strangers (shock horror) and making instant decisions, isn’t the ‘Tortoise Way’.  Tortoises are more likely to be heard saying ‘this isn’t the way things are done around here’ - particularly when a new broom in the shape of Mr Hare turns up to shake things up a bit!! Just too racy for words!!

Trouble is, when change is in the air do you want a Tortoise in charge, or a Hare…?  And when running a business who would be best placed to respond quickly to changing circumstances?

I could even go as far as to say that you could apply this analogy to organisations…moving to slowly to catch the wave or change, or running after the next new fad far too quickly…

But on a persona level how do these two learn to co-exist with each other and even go on to build a beautiful friendship? 

 Top Tips for Hares Interacting with Tortoises:

1. Slow down and remember that Tortoises will need time to proces the dazzling news that you’ve just offloaded.  Giving them the news at 100 mph will just turn them off
2. Recognise that the Tortoise works at a different speed – they really can’t help being like that and they’re not doing it on purpose. 
3. Don’t become impatient but provide the information they need
4. Respect the fact that the Tortoise’s grasp of a concept or idea may take longer to process than yours.  So if you’re feeling frustrated because they haven’t grasped your vision as quickly as you have, just take a deep breath and go for a walk around the block or do something else until they come round with a curious look to say “you know what you were saying earlier…?”  Amen.

 Top Tips for Tortoises Interacting with Hares

1. Be direct in your approach and don’t go all round the houses
2. Don’t be too negative
3. Stand up for yourself and speak your mind, but don’t repeat yourself - or go into too much detail.  Sometimes too much information will make them lose interest (or the will to live)
4. Be aware that if you’re keen to point out all the faults in their recommendations; to them that’s like pouring cold water over their dreams.  Explain why.

Look at each other and actively seek out your strengths.  Rather than trying to force on a shoe that doesn’t fit, agree which roles and responsibilities you will each take on based on those strengths.  For instance, in a team the Tortoise could take care of the planning and organisation responsibilities, and the Hare will deliver the presentation and act as the troubleshooter.  In a salesd relationship a Hare could come over the fence to share the Tortoises philosophy and offer more information, more time and help them to get to the right conclusion, without pushing them too far.  Here it does pay to be more sensitive and intuitive in your approach.

 To conclude:

If you’re the kind of person that has to do things at full pelt, but everyone around you seems to be so laid back they’re almost asleep; don’t waste time getting frustrated, cultivate a good-humoured appreciation of their diligence and steadiness. You may come to rely on that one day.

If you’re used to being even paced and ‘sure’ but suddenly you’re got a firebrand in the family or the office – give them room to breath, let them lead and fuel their fire rather than expending energy trying to put the fire out, because trying to coerce, crush or change someone else will be a pointless waste of time.

 Or Are You Being Driven By Your Needs…?

I don’t care what anyone says, you may have qualifications coming out of your ears, you may have 20 years’ career experience behind you and an IQ of 160, but the fact remains that if you have unmet needs in your life these ould impede your progress, even without you realising it. These might be completely subconscious drivers, simmering away beneath the surface. This  will manifest in any number of ways. 

For instance, have you ever had conversation with someone who was really excited about something and were keen to share this with you.  But instead of feeling elated and pleased for them, you ended up resenting them?  Their good day was a trigger for you to have a bad one.  And then your day spiralled out of control as you grumpily drove to your next meeting, gesticulating at the driver who ‘cut you up’ at the traffic lights shouting crazily at them, “yeah, same to you - you **** Moron!!”

Unmet needs could include a need for security, love, friendship, power or control for instance.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessary just talking in the negative here. A need might include a strong or adventurous creative streak, or a uuge interest in interacting and entertaining people, but your career might not provide any outlets for your this, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and bored.

Maybe you have a very precise and ordered mind, but the environment you work in doesn’t require those skills. You may be an absolute natural at attracting and engaging with your customers, but instead you’re stuck in the back office working on strategic planning and feel like a canary in a cage with it’s wings clipped. If there is no outlet for your inherent talents you may have to comply and adapt in order to fit in. But that’s like keeping the lid on a pressure cooker.

I fell into this trap many times, trying REALLY hard to get things right, when I should have said to myself “look Wendy, stop and think. Is this where your talents are best spent?” I’d grown tired of working for someone who’s keen eye for detail was driving me insane. And the harder I tried to be absolutely perfect the worse it got.  Being a people pleaser got me absolutely nowhere.

What I didn’t know was that actually had I been a little more self-aware and made the conscious choice to apply my natural gifts and transition into something else, I would have found myself effortlessly moving into ‘the zone’. I would have been less stressed and lacking in confidence, because once I’d identified something wasn’t quite I could then proactively take action . Which is why our emotions have a very important role to play here.

Sometimes we may experience negative feelings and assume that these must be suppressed at all costs because we fear failure or being exposed as falling short in some areas. Consequently our deepest needs stay buried for years, and our true potential never sees the light of day.

But what if you were to stop for a minute and acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling as a sign or a warning flag
that’s madly waving at you which says: “hello, pay attention, we’re trying to tell you something - you need to take some action here”.

Interestingly if you were unable to feel any emotion this would seriously impact on your ability to make decisions, which is why emotions are crucial guides in our decision-making process.

At this point, if you are a man reading this, the subject of emotions and feelings might possibly be enough to bring you out in a rash or make you run for the hills. That’s absolutely fine and I want to reassure you that this blog isn’t about getting in touch with your ‘feminine side’ or encouraging you to sit around in a circle singing sad songs with a tambourine.

However, the word ‘emotion’ doesn’t necessarily equate with weakness or failure.

Emotions are warning lights for us to act upon. Feelings of slight unease could deteriorate into bigger and more profound emotions when these flags are ignored or dismissed altogether. But living with feelings of regret and guilt for instance, have so little energy attached to them they achieve precisely nothing. So, if you bring your needs to work either because you aren’t working to your strengths or haven’t acknowledged that there’s something amiss, then you might engineer situations in order to satisfy them and get a quick fix instead, which is a short term strategy. If your career doesn’t provide you with an outlet for your natural talents and skills your progress up the ladder may be slow, especially if you either a) don’t recognise there is a problem or b) aren’t prepared to reflect on this or change direction to look for something more rewarding (because presumably you’re too busy being grumpy). The energy will have stalled and you won’t be in the flow.

A need may become a blind spot that you don’t even realise you have, although to other people it probably stands out a mile. This blind spot may manifest in any number of ways, to your detriment. For example, if you insist on your colleagues conforming to your methods (because your method works for you but not for them) others may resist you, argue with you, contradict you and then eventually fall out with you completely. For
instance, if you’re a big picture person but your superior is a lover of fine detail and they spent more time than is absolutely necessary pointing out the minor flaws in your plans, this may grate a little, leading to some frank
exchanges and major differences of opinion. And who’dbe right here? Is anyone ever absolutely right?

We can be quite territorial when it comes to our needs and go to extreme lengths to preserve our ‘patch’ and may expect other people to conform or tow the line to preserve the status quo.

Listen and pay attention to the signals you are receiving through your feelings and think about how you are currently dealing with them. Sometimes we deal with our needs in odd and not very logical ways. This is your subconscious mind, like a little kid brother or sister, desperately trying to make things right for you but without the benefit of experience or balanced rational thought.

More strategies like this can be found in my new book “Discover Yourself On The Yellow Brick Road - 7 Core Principles of Career Success”