Have you pushed yourself so hard on the road to succcess that you are on the point of burning out? Have you experienced a health scare, but your lifestyle and way of doing things is so second nature, that you have no idea how you are going to change…?

Are you like Dan ‘Scarecrow’ Burnside who found himself at the Doctors one morning when he’d been given a wake up call?

He sat facing the locum at the Doctor’s Surgery. His usual GP was absent today, but the man sitting before him looked strangely familiar, in fact he was probably the happiest and jolliest Doctor he’d ever met in his life. He read the nameplate on the desk which read ‘Dr. M. Unchkin’. He was so short Dan could barely see him over the desk, as the Doctor read out the roll-call of stress related ailments that Dan was suffering with – IBS, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol and he had recently added eczema and a stomach ulcer to the list.

Dan was constantly hyped-up and ‘wired’. Paradoxically however, he was very successful and actually thrived on stress until very recently. Because success came at a price. The trouble was there were only 24 hours in a day and he was constantly running around like a headless chicken. Dan worked extremely hard but he regularly missed meals, rarely took any time off and frequently over committed himself.

This was beginning to affect his health, his behaviour and his relationships. In fact, he had started to realise that if he didn’t stop and take stock, he would burn out altogether and his marriage would be in ruins. Dan was literally coming apart at the seams. His chaotic lifestyle was reflected in his out of control blond hair and appearance, even though he only wore the most expensive suits and bought ludicrously expensive shoes.

The Doctor continued, “Now, Mr Burnside, I’ve looked at your notes for the past six years and it’s becoming increasingly evident that it’s a lifestyle thing. You need to get a grip on your stress levels, because I’m not going to prescribe any more drugs. To be honest with you, they wouldn’t do you any favours anyway. “ “Oh,” thought Dan. “So what are you going to do for me instead?” he asked.  

• Dan had to admit that he struggled with his time management.

• He found it hard to delegate, ask for help and say no to anyone’s demands.

• He enjoyed taking on the whole world with one hand tied behind his back, and still be home in time for tea!

His success was reflected in the car, the bank account and the big house. However, he knew that he must learn to use his head to work out a new strategy otherwise he could lose everything, there wasn’t enough time to stop and think these days!

Find out what happens to Dan and what he did to change his lifestyle and improve his health in my new book “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road - 7 Core Principles of Career Success” click here to find out more…

“I have read so many self-help, motivational and coaching books during my career and it takes a lot these days for me to put my hands in my pocket and add to my book collection, but ‘Discover Yourself on the Yellow Brick’ road is brilliant. “  Gail Smirthwaite     - Golf Mind Guru

“In the busy world we live in where the ‘to do’ list is always way too ambitious this book really gives you a moment to take stock and really think. It asks questions that you may squirm at answering but it does genuinely give you a fresh insight into what makes you tick.

“For someone who rarely reads books like this it was like a stroll by the sea on a beautiful day - deeply satisfying, inspiring and invigorating.”

Gail Clark  - The Marketing Specialist 

But just calm down a minute, because you are not alone and this is really, REALLY common; I confess to being absolutely terrified the first time I went to a networking meeting, AND it was first thing and I am not a morning person. Once I even set my alarm incorrectly so I arrived at 5.45 a.m. instead of 6.45 a.m. (did I feel stupid or what? Fortunately, there wasn’t anyone around to actually WITNESS me feeling completely stupid.) But we can all do with a little bit of help sometimes.  This topic came up again and again in my recent survey as a matter of fact.

  

Image Courtesy of Flickr (c)

Ever heard that phrase - “pride goes before a fall”?  Meaning that sometimes we find it really difficult to admit that we’re wrong when in fact we should listen to our guides and mentors - people who are familiar with the terrain.  But there’s one thing worse that being too proud - it’s being ignorant of the facts upon which you can make an informed  and intelligent choice…

One of things that I have had to admit on my own personal entrepreneurial journey - is admitting that I don’t have all the answers; And in the beginning I definitely made loads of mistakes because I lacked skill in many areas - OK I will now hold my hand up and say that I lacked so many skills it was frightening! Even Peter Jones admits to being terrified when he started his business working from a tiny little office all on his own.

I made errors through ignorance of the facts. Deep down I knew this of course. But I was afraid to admit this and to ask for advice. I felt that if I admitted I didn’t know something that it would make me look stupid, and my crediblity would go out of the window.

The trouble with that approach of course is that mistakes could have fatal consequences for your business - loss of revenue could cause your business to bleed to death, your reputation could be scarred forever and ignorance also wastes loads of time.

 The problem with trying to do it all on your own (for fear of looking a failure) is that you make even more mistakes; it destroys your self confidence and creates anxiety which can paralyse your thinking.   You could be swimming in the ocean and dynamically interacting with lots of other fish, being dazzled by sea horses and rays, instead of being eaten alive by the sharks.  

Or if you choose to stay in your safe little pond where nothing much happens for instance,  you are in danger of  only hearing one voice - your own.   You may have control - but the scope for growth is almost non-existent. This could happen to you if you’ve made a good start with your business, but somewhere along the line, things have started to go wrong. The recession is a case in point; did it take a big bite out of your profits last year? 

If you’ve got a nagging feeling that thing’s just aren’t right, then it is important to notice this, pay attention and consider getting some mentoring or coaching.  Because if you are ignorant of a few things and aren’t prepared to do some investigation or get some feedback, you are leaving yourself open to random chance events, which could come out of the blue and might literally cost you an arm and a leg.

Could the shallow waters of the uninformed be a death trap?

Don’t make assumptions. You need to get real, bravely step forth and do something different, which will ultimately lead you to safer waters. In other words…don’t wait for change to be forced upon you, or wait for the next shark attack.  You need be proactive about things and be armed with the harpoon of knowledge and expertise, for your next fishing expedition. You must search for the tributary that leads to the ocean where bigger and more experienced fisherman are waiting to help you.

Fail fast, fail often and success cannot elude you…

Until next time

Warmest Regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

It was a prestigious event organised by the then PLA (Port Of London Authority), and as the evening wore on, it became clear that one club definitely had the edge over the competition and were on their way to glory - except that the fans of the opposing side had other ideas…

But the result would all come down to the last bout.

Despite most of the competitors hailing from very rough areas of London, I sat there awe struck - not just because they were all amazing physical specimens but because there was something else about them that really fascinated me. Their demeanour displayed such pride and confidence in themselves. They carried themselves like gods!

Both sides had hefty support in numbers, and as the final bout got underway the supporters became more vocal. It was when one side, sensing that their man might not take home the prize, that things turned ugly. Supporters from the losing camp completely lost their cool and rather than be sportsmanlike and adhere to the Marquess of Queensberry Rules, they took matters into their own hands. One threw a punch. Another got up and threw a chair. Then it was a table. With terrifying speed the whole place was in uproar and deteriorated into a mass brawl.

My boyfriend and I were pinned up against the side wall, but with the help of another spectator, he managed to deposit me onto the windowsill and out of harms way. So I stood and watched a whirlwind of bottles, fists and chairs flying around for 5 minutes. A frightening vortex of menace, blood and broken glass - until order was restored and the contest was awarded to the other side (who were going to win anyway, no surprises there).

It also takes your power away, and turns you into a victim rather than a victor and clouds your decision making. When the ‘red mist’ decends - it’s game over. But you can still stand head and shoulders over the competition even when you lose - because it’s how you handle the bad times as well as the good that counts. Because bad times are actually the training ground which provides the learning opportunities (masquerading as challenges) that prepare you for greatness!

Poor results are an opportunity to pause, reflect and examine where you might need to change your approach:-

• Disasters can be turned to your advantage if you look closely enough; to become incredible stories to share and inspire others.
  
• Disappointments could even opportunities to divert you onto a more profitable path
  
• Look for the positives in everything
  
• Conduct yourself like the winner everywhere you go even when things look bleak
  
• Be prepared to change directions, sometimes at short notice
  
• Gather a crowd of supporters around you who are with you through thick and think - not just when things are going well
  
• Give away praise and recognition to others even when there’s nothing in it for you

Need further inspiration? Download my free e-book “Ultrapreneurs Unplugged - What They Don’t Tell You About Building A Successful Micro Business” containing 96 pages of inspirational insights from entrepreneurs, interviews with successful entrepreneurs plus some useful tools and tips for the small business owner and entrepreneur.

Warmest regards

 Welcome

This Week’s Podcast “Turning Helplessness Into Power”

In this week’s Podcast I interview Debbie Neville of ‘PA Secretarial’ about a really simple technique that she has developed for instantly shifting her mindset when she is feeling less than resourceful - thus moving her from ‘helplessness into power’.

In this short 12 minute Podcast you will learn how this technique helps Debbie every day, whatever challenge she is currently facing, whether this is a minor or a major setback.

Click here to listen:

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Warmest Regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

Executive Coach and author of “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road - 7 Core Principles of Career Success”

I have a confession.  I really shot myself in the foot when I wrote a self development book for the British market; because let’s be honest, the majority of the UK population (unlike our American cousins) don’t ‘do’ self development.

That’s why we invented boxing, rugby and Millwall on a Saturday afternoon.

The British have their own version of self development which we call ‘the stiff upper lip’, the Charge of the Light Brigade, Polar Explorers and heroes courageously changing the world with one hand tied behind their back, and still home for tea at 5.00 o’clock; and all without breaking into a sweat! 

The stiff upper lip has been in our blood for centuries - but the big flaw in this strategy in this - it creates problems somewhere else, later on.

Take Queen Elizabeth I for example.  She led a nation, devoted herself to reform, had the mind of a political genius, and saw off The Spanish Armada. Even when hearing that her former lover and life long friend Rober Dudley - Earl of Leicester  had suddenly died - she sank to the stone floor of her bed chamber and lay there alone for three days and wept, and ate or drank nothing.

The average Brit doesn’t need any ‘help’ thanks.  Perhaps its centuries of invations, plagues and wars.

Even Brits abroad don’t really enjoy themselves - instead what do they do?  They end up having a punch up and get thrown into prison.  OK OK, not necessarily your Auty Sylvia, but I think you know what I mean.

So, why did I write a book for a nation that isn’t into navel gazing or introspection?  Talking to a ‘professional’ about your problems is something that we Brits don’t even tell the family cat about, and definitely not your best mates.

Whereas over the pond - nearly everyone has their own Coach, Psychotherapist, or Psychiatrist. 

Over here instead we do 20 pints of lager and a packet of crisps or ‘Retail therapy’.  But underneath the calm British cool; somewhere underneath the manic over achieving workaholic is something called ‘feelings’.

We’ve spent eons running away from our feelings and pretending everything’s absolutely okay in a kind of Monty Python comic way.

But eventually for some people their strategy for coping by NOT letting their feelings show will eventually become an even bigger problem.

The retail therapy leads to debt, the binge drinking leads to liver failure or obesity and the denial of what was once a young man’s dream soon turns into a life of meaningless compromise and a stomach ulcer.

So, I couldn’t write a book telling everyone to just be positive, when a millenia of conditioning has taught the British to be ready for the invasion, death, pestillence and the Blitz!  Being sensitive, tender and caring just isn’t the way its done.  It’s just not cricket is it Carstairs!?

So, I’ve gone via the back door and told three stories of  characters who aren’t having a great time, don’t wake up ready to hit the gym after they’ve drank a pint of pulped seaweed whilst reading that book about goal setting.

The average brit wants reality before they can get to believe that something good’s coming.  Which is precisely what my book is all about.

So, if you’re a Brit reading this and don’t do ‘Self Improvement’ and think its for softies.  Listen up - the people it’s written for aren’t soft.

They’re striving with everything they have - but have hit a brick wall whilst getting there.  That brick wall was created because of their own behaviour, programming and beliefs.  Sooner or later many of us face this challenge.  

However the characters in my book have decided to let their guard down just far enough to let some ideas through, which could in the end be the perfect antidote to their challenges; And in so doing end the pain, save them time, precious energy (and the occasional relationship) along the way and GET CONSCIOUS about what they’re doing - it might just be worth a look.

“Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road” might sound like it’s a book for children - when actually it contains some real sensible, practical and inspirational stuff - and it’s one of the easiest and most straightforward books you will ever read.

Follow the link here to read a sample chapter…

This Week’s Podcast:  3 Keys To Persistence From Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid

Click Here Now To Listen To The Podcast:

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 Or Are You Being Driven By Your Needs…?

I don’t care what anyone says, you may have qualifications coming out of your ears, you may have 20 years’ career experience behind you and an IQ of 160, but the fact remains that if you have unmet needs in your life these ould impede your progress, even without you realising it. These might be completely subconscious drivers, simmering away beneath the surface. This  will manifest in any number of ways. 

For instance, have you ever had conversation with someone who was really excited about something and were keen to share this with you.  But instead of feeling elated and pleased for them, you ended up resenting them?  Their good day was a trigger for you to have a bad one.  And then your day spiralled out of control as you grumpily drove to your next meeting, gesticulating at the driver who ‘cut you up’ at the traffic lights shouting crazily at them, “yeah, same to you - you **** Moron!!”

Unmet needs could include a need for security, love, friendship, power or control for instance.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessary just talking in the negative here. A need might include a strong or adventurous creative streak, or a uuge interest in interacting and entertaining people, but your career might not provide any outlets for your this, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and bored.

Maybe you have a very precise and ordered mind, but the environment you work in doesn’t require those skills. You may be an absolute natural at attracting and engaging with your customers, but instead you’re stuck in the back office working on strategic planning and feel like a canary in a cage with it’s wings clipped. If there is no outlet for your inherent talents you may have to comply and adapt in order to fit in. But that’s like keeping the lid on a pressure cooker.

I fell into this trap many times, trying REALLY hard to get things right, when I should have said to myself “look Wendy, stop and think. Is this where your talents are best spent?” I’d grown tired of working for someone who’s keen eye for detail was driving me insane. And the harder I tried to be absolutely perfect the worse it got.  Being a people pleaser got me absolutely nowhere.

What I didn’t know was that actually had I been a little more self-aware and made the conscious choice to apply my natural gifts and transition into something else, I would have found myself effortlessly moving into ‘the zone’. I would have been less stressed and lacking in confidence, because once I’d identified something wasn’t quite I could then proactively take action . Which is why our emotions have a very important role to play here.

Sometimes we may experience negative feelings and assume that these must be suppressed at all costs because we fear failure or being exposed as falling short in some areas. Consequently our deepest needs stay buried for years, and our true potential never sees the light of day.

But what if you were to stop for a minute and acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling as a sign or a warning flag
that’s madly waving at you which says: “hello, pay attention, we’re trying to tell you something - you need to take some action here”.

Interestingly if you were unable to feel any emotion this would seriously impact on your ability to make decisions, which is why emotions are crucial guides in our decision-making process.

At this point, if you are a man reading this, the subject of emotions and feelings might possibly be enough to bring you out in a rash or make you run for the hills. That’s absolutely fine and I want to reassure you that this blog isn’t about getting in touch with your ‘feminine side’ or encouraging you to sit around in a circle singing sad songs with a tambourine.

However, the word ‘emotion’ doesn’t necessarily equate with weakness or failure.

Emotions are warning lights for us to act upon. Feelings of slight unease could deteriorate into bigger and more profound emotions when these flags are ignored or dismissed altogether. But living with feelings of regret and guilt for instance, have so little energy attached to them they achieve precisely nothing. So, if you bring your needs to work either because you aren’t working to your strengths or haven’t acknowledged that there’s something amiss, then you might engineer situations in order to satisfy them and get a quick fix instead, which is a short term strategy. If your career doesn’t provide you with an outlet for your natural talents and skills your progress up the ladder may be slow, especially if you either a) don’t recognise there is a problem or b) aren’t prepared to reflect on this or change direction to look for something more rewarding (because presumably you’re too busy being grumpy). The energy will have stalled and you won’t be in the flow.

A need may become a blind spot that you don’t even realise you have, although to other people it probably stands out a mile. This blind spot may manifest in any number of ways, to your detriment. For example, if you insist on your colleagues conforming to your methods (because your method works for you but not for them) others may resist you, argue with you, contradict you and then eventually fall out with you completely. For
instance, if you’re a big picture person but your superior is a lover of fine detail and they spent more time than is absolutely necessary pointing out the minor flaws in your plans, this may grate a little, leading to some frank
exchanges and major differences of opinion. And who’dbe right here? Is anyone ever absolutely right?

We can be quite territorial when it comes to our needs and go to extreme lengths to preserve our ‘patch’ and may expect other people to conform or tow the line to preserve the status quo.

Listen and pay attention to the signals you are receiving through your feelings and think about how you are currently dealing with them. Sometimes we deal with our needs in odd and not very logical ways. This is your subconscious mind, like a little kid brother or sister, desperately trying to make things right for you but without the benefit of experience or balanced rational thought.

More strategies like this can be found in my new book “Discover Yourself On The Yellow Brick Road - 7 Core Principles of Career Success”

In this week’s Podcast Suzanne Bolwell-Davies from Flexible Hr Ltd and I are discussing  the real meaning of “The Jewel In the Nile“.    If  a coach ( i.e. a ‘Diamond polisher’) could walk into your life with the skill and the wisdom to guide you in the right direction, would that become a priceless opportunity?

I have put together a list of 50 reasons why coaching can help individuals who are finding their career too stressful, who have aspirations to aim higher but haven’t so far taken action, or who would love to discover just what they are destined to become.  As the character played by Danny Di Vito Discovered in this film, sometimes what you’re looking for isn’t necessarily the end of the story …

 Click Here To Listen (12.42 mins)

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