Years ago I sat beneath the Lighthouse at Cape St Vincent in Portugal (the Southern most tip of Europe), eating a banana.  Myself and my 4 sisters were all sitting there watching the waves crash against the rocks.  When we’d finished eating we threw the banana skins over the cliffs hoping they would be swept away by the tide.  But the wind was so strong that it blew the banana skins back right into our hands.  Every time we did this, the banana skins would always fly back up.  It was hilarious! And was one of the most delightful experiences of my childhood.

Mistakes can be like these discarded banana skins.  Refusing to go away. But what if you are struggling to let go of the feelings associated with making a mistake?  Everything you tried wasn’t helping?  Problems like unfavourable feedback from one of your customers, not getting the contract, losing a member of staff, persistent technical problems or loss of important data or just saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  We’ve all been there haven’t we? 

The thing about working for yourself, or running a small business is that disappointments and setbacks can be tough to recover from.  When you are part of a bigger organisation – the impact doesn’t hit home with quite as much force – it’s not you that’s affected – it’s the company, so it’s not personal. 

But when YOU ARE your company of course you have no choice but to run scenarios through your mind over and over and ask yourself after the event “What if I’d done that instead?” or “How did I let that happen?”, “I must have said the wrong thing“, or “They don’t like me“.  And because nobody else was there at the time to compare notes with – it’s hard to find the right person to offload onto who can help you talk it through.  If they weren’t there, how can they relate?  Or maybe the people around you have too much of their own stuff going on, or haven’t the time to listen in depth to you.

So, the setback never goes away.  And then you have another one and the same scenario repeats itself.  Until you have a pile of setbacks weighing you down, eating away at your self esteem. 

Some of these setbacks can be so major that they get in the way – big time!  Until that is, they turn into ruddy great road blocks that destroy your motivation altogether.  Logically you want them to go away, but positive thinking ain’t working.  I once knew a business owner whose only strategy for dealing with setbacks was to fire a member of staff! 

Then you lose interest, get discouraged and the enthusiasm you had for even the smallest task disappears.  The passion you had in the beginning starts to erode. Nothing gets done and the voices take over.  “I’m not good at this” “why am I even bothering?”. 

Well I have two solutions for you.  The first one is, to be honest, not to everyone’s taste and might seem a bit full-on and in your face.  But let’s give it a try.  It’s an NLP Mantra devised by Richard Bandler the Co-Creator of NLP.  He says that when you start down that road of feeling sorry for yourself and the self talk has turned very self distructive and negative, all you need to do is utter the following phrase…

Are you ready…?  Here it is…

“Shut The F*ck Up!”  yep.  That’s all. 

Just say that to yourself when you’re being less than nice to yourself.  I did say it was quite extreme.  But I bet you’re smiling aren’t you? This is a very simple strategy, just get over it and get on with it as soon as possible.

But if that doesn’t work the second strategy is a little more complex.  This is a technique that I bring out when all else fails.  I use this to help my clients get through a road block that just won’t budge.  We could talk about it for months of course – but you don’t have months do you?  You want to get going and be ‘up and at ‘em’ asap!  Because the world needs what you’ve got doesn’t it?  It therefore doesn’t need you to be languishing in self pity after a minor hiccup as temporarily short-circuited your progress. 

It’s a technique call EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and I am a specialist in this technique that I have been using for a few years to help people get over the things that they logically know they should be over, but just aren’t.  I’ve used this techniqe on all sorts of issues, from fear of preparing for Christmas, I’ve worked with a Falklands Veteran going through a severe anxiety attack, a Concert Pianist with performance nerves, plus I’ve used this with fear of flying or to resolve family feuds.

What strategies do you use to let go of past mistakes and move yourself on?

Share your ideas here.

Warmest regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

With all this talk of “The Law Of Attraction” “The Secret” etc, how can a natural and habitual pessimist succeed?  If your natural inclinication is to see a glass half full – surely that goes against the accepted thinking of “make your own luck” or ” fake it till you make it” kind of thinking…?

I’ve been doing some research to put together a short talk about teams, and was looking for an example of a really GREAT team.  I wanted an example of how diversity can be an asset.

Anyway, last year I was very fortunate to have heard Chris Boardman (Olympic Gold Medal winning Cyclist) speak last year at an EEDA event.  He was talking about his ‘Secret Squirrel’ team who were responsible for creating the greatest Olympic sporting triumph in cycling history. 

Being one of my sporting heroes, and having just watched the World Cycling Championships on TV. I thought I’d include one of his quotes in my slides, and then I came across this video, which demonstrates that not all winners are made the same way!!

Now, for anyone who is serious about succeeding in any arena, we’ve all had it hammered into us to think positive.  Thousands of books exist telling us to think like a winner, eat adversity for breakfast and to plaster our homes and offices with affirmations like “I am A Tiger!”.  We are all programmed not to entertain any thoughts that could undermine our self esteem, or dilute our self belief.

Then a confirmed pessimist comes along who openly admits to not believing that they had it within himself to win a gold medal in cycling or build a successful business promoting one of the most innovative and exciting bikes in the world. 

Now this really does fly in the face of what you’d expect from a sporting hero doesn’t it?  Especially when he succeeded at both.

Well I listened more to the video and heard Chris Boardman saying “I was an out of work carpenter with a wife and two children and no money.”  There he was sitting on the start line, on his famous Lotus bike in front of an audience of millions.  But then he thought to himself “Sod it!  I will just concentrate on being as good as I can be and then look at the board when I cross the finish line”.  And the rest of course is history because from then on he gave up trying to win and instead focussed on being as good as he could be.  That coupled with a tremendous amount of focus and effort of course!!

So, a very open admission by anyone’s standards, has led me to reflect that in fact its about not competing  against everyone else, but playing your own game and focussing on your own journey - i.e. by working on becoming a first rate version of yourself on your own terms.  Instead of scattering your energies on that big global word winning (which when you come to think about it could bring up a lot of negative feelings and associations) – whereas, just working on being as good as you can be – you can’t do any more than that can you?  And if you don’t win as a result – at least you know you’ve done all you can.  Makes a lot of sense really, when you think about it.

So work on what you have here and now, build on your natural strengths and abilities, whatever that may be – and eventually success will come to you. 

What do you think?? Is Success “out there” or right here under your nose just waiting for you to give it some attention?  Share your thoughts. Are there any more successful pessimists out there…?

Have you pushed yourself so hard on the road to succcess that you are on the point of burning out? Have you experienced a health scare, but your lifestyle and way of doing things is so second nature, that you have no idea how you are going to change…?

Are you like Dan ‘Scarecrow’ Burnside who found himself at the Doctors one morning when he’d been given a wake up call?

He sat facing the locum at the Doctor’s Surgery. His usual GP was absent today, but the man sitting before him looked strangely familiar, in fact he was probably the happiest and jolliest Doctor he’d ever met in his life. He read the nameplate on the desk which read ‘Dr. M. Unchkin’. He was so short Dan could barely see him over the desk, as the Doctor read out the roll-call of stress related ailments that Dan was suffering with – IBS, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol and he had recently added eczema and a stomach ulcer to the list.

Dan was constantly hyped-up and ‘wired’. Paradoxically however, he was very successful and actually thrived on stress until very recently. Because success came at a price. The trouble was there were only 24 hours in a day and he was constantly running around like a headless chicken. Dan worked extremely hard but he regularly missed meals, rarely took any time off and frequently over committed himself.

This was beginning to affect his health, his behaviour and his relationships. In fact, he had started to realise that if he didn’t stop and take stock, he would burn out altogether and his marriage would be in ruins. Dan was literally coming apart at the seams. His chaotic lifestyle was reflected in his out of control blond hair and appearance, even though he only wore the most expensive suits and bought ludicrously expensive shoes.

The Doctor continued, “Now, Mr Burnside, I’ve looked at your notes for the past six years and it’s becoming increasingly evident that it’s a lifestyle thing. You need to get a grip on your stress levels, because I’m not going to prescribe any more drugs. To be honest with you, they wouldn’t do you any favours anyway. “ “Oh,” thought Dan. “So what are you going to do for me instead?” he asked.  

• Dan had to admit that he struggled with his time management.

• He found it hard to delegate, ask for help and say no to anyone’s demands.

• He enjoyed taking on the whole world with one hand tied behind his back, and still be home in time for tea!

His success was reflected in the car, the bank account and the big house. However, he knew that he must learn to use his head to work out a new strategy otherwise he could lose everything, there wasn’t enough time to stop and think these days!

Find out what happens to Dan and what he did to change his lifestyle and improve his health in my new book “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road – 7 Core Principles of Career Success” click here to find out more…

“I have read so many self-help, motivational and coaching books during my career and it takes a lot these days for me to put my hands in my pocket and add to my book collection, but ‘Discover Yourself on the Yellow Brick’ road is brilliant. “  Gail Smirthwaite     – Golf Mind Guru

“In the busy world we live in where the ‘to do’ list is always way too ambitious this book really gives you a moment to take stock and really think. It asks questions that you may squirm at answering but it does genuinely give you a fresh insight into what makes you tick.

“For someone who rarely reads books like this it was like a stroll by the sea on a beautiful day – deeply satisfying, inspiring and invigorating.”

Gail Clark  - The Marketing Specialist 

Do you recall that phrase, ‘if the cap fits then wear it’?

When I was about 11 years old, my father entered into a crazy business scheme with someone he met on holiday. Now my dad was ordinarily a very astute and intelligent businessman;  However, one year for some reason he forgot all reason when he became distracted and set up a joint venture in Southend and opened a bricks and mortar business – A Fishmongers!   

My father’s principle business was commercial land and property, and he was really good at this. He was an ace negotiator and had an uncanny ability to get people to people to like him and therefore to do business with him. He was magic at it. He would get the most stubborn landowners to hand over their parcel of land to him, where everyone else had failed.

But one thing he wasn’t very good at or didn’t particularly enjoy was working with the general public. He hated it.  He was one of the friendliest people I know, and loved meeting new people and had tons of friends.  But paradoxically he didn’t have the patience for people who weren’t on his wavelength. 

So why he moved in another direction is a mystery.

Not only that but he decided to introduce his 5 daughters into the fish trade as well! Ugh – I can still remember the smell of all that fish and how freezing cold it was! It was a bit of a novelty at first, but that soon wore off when I decided that I’d got frost bite from the bitterly cold wind blowing in from the North Sea.

Eventually the business failed and he lost a lot of money (and a good friendship); and he went back to doing what he did best – negotiate commercial property deals out of nowhere.

Sometimes we meet people along our pathway who mysteriously turn up when we’ve temporarily lost faith in our own ability. Then we leave our path and follow them in search of the Unicorn that they’ve promised us is just over the hill. They may appear to hold the key that will lead us to Nirvana – when in reality if we’d searched within the answer was with us all along. Several hills (and no Unicorn) later -we wake up to the reality that WE are the best judge of everything we do.

Even Alan Sugar had to admit in a recent profile about his life and work, that he took leave of his senses when he decided to buy Tottenham Hotspurs Football Club several years ago. His wife went berzerk when he told her. With hindsight he accepted that he’d made better decisions in his career. So we’ve all been there.

But sometimes – you need someone there to help you to get back on the path. Someone who doesn’t have their own agenda, someone who will let you work it all out and gain clarity, focus and complete understanding. Which is one of the reasons why I went into Coaching.

Think about this for a minute.  What would that be like for you to shut the door pick up the phone, switch off your mobile, tell everyone to go away and spend the next hour talking to your own coach about what’s REALLY on your mind?  And knowing that the person on the other end of the phone isn’t a nagging wife, a self indulgent girlfriend, an anxious mother, your mocking best friend, or your stressed out business partner who’s children have just gone down with measles. 

The most successful people eventually start working with a coach or a mentor.  I’d be lost without mine! 

But what would working with your own coach get for you? 
Click here to find out…

Warmest Regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

It was a prestigious event organised by the then PLA (Port Of London Authority), and as the evening wore on, it became clear that one club definitely had the edge over the competition and were on their way to glory – except that the fans of the opposing side had other ideas…

But the result would all come down to the last bout.

Despite most of the competitors hailing from very rough areas of London, I sat there awe struck – not just because they were all amazing physical specimens but because there was something else about them that really fascinated me. Their demeanour displayed such pride and confidence in themselves. They carried themselves like gods!

Both sides had hefty support in numbers, and as the final bout got underway the supporters became more vocal. It was when one side, sensing that their man might not take home the prize, that things turned ugly. Supporters from the losing camp completely lost their cool and rather than be sportsmanlike and adhere to the Marquess of Queensberry Rules, they took matters into their own hands. One threw a punch. Another got up and threw a chair. Then it was a table. With terrifying speed the whole place was in uproar and deteriorated into a mass brawl.

My boyfriend and I were pinned up against the side wall, but with the help of another spectator, he managed to deposit me onto the windowsill and out of harms way. So I stood and watched a whirlwind of bottles, fists and chairs flying around for 5 minutes. A frightening vortex of menace, blood and broken glass – until order was restored and the contest was awarded to the other side (who were going to win anyway, no surprises there).

It also takes your power away, and turns you into a victim rather than a victor and clouds your decision making. When the ‘red mist’ decends – it’s game over. But you can still stand head and shoulders over the competition even when you lose – because it’s how you handle the bad times as well as the good that counts. Because bad times are actually the training ground which provides the learning opportunities (masquerading as challenges) that prepare you for greatness!

Poor results are an opportunity to pause, reflect and examine where you might need to change your approach:-

• Disasters can be turned to your advantage if you look closely enough; to become incredible stories to share and inspire others.
  
• Disappointments could even opportunities to divert you onto a more profitable path
  
• Look for the positives in everything
  
• Conduct yourself like the winner everywhere you go even when things look bleak
  
• Be prepared to change directions, sometimes at short notice
  
• Gather a crowd of supporters around you who are with you through thick and think – not just when things are going well
  
• Give away praise and recognition to others even when there’s nothing in it for you

Need further inspiration? Download my free e-book “Ultrapreneurs Unplugged – What They Don’t Tell You About Building A Successful Micro Business” containing 96 pages of inspirational insights from entrepreneurs, interviews with successful entrepreneurs plus some useful tools and tips for the small business owner and entrepreneur.

Warmest regards

A mystery Careers Adviser has made another random appearance on the London to Norwich train from Liverpool Street Station.  The woman characterised by her striking red shoes and cheery nature, gave a copy of a ‘magic’ book to one of the commuters. 

Tom Tindall-Heart – Reinsurance Executive who works in London boarded the train home from Platform 18 at Liverpool St Station, after a night out with a few friends.  “I was a little worse for wear after a few drinks and I sat next to a very striking looking girl wearing the most amazing shoes!  I got talking to her about my job and how much I hated it, and ended up more or less telling her my life story.  She was so nice.  My heart just isn’t in my job any more.  I’ve been meaning to sort something out but just coulnd’t see the wood for the trees.  I’ve in a bit of a rut to be honest. 

I don’t quite know where she blew in from but she hopped off the train at Chelmsford – but not before she handed me a copy of a book “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road” and told me to read it straight away.  I took her advice and it’s definitely galvanised me into action!”

Other reports have come in describing similar brief encounters with the Mystery Careers Adviser.  One such person received help after her boss began to bully her at work.

Louisa Lyons – Graduate Accountant was on the London Underground talking to her sister about her bullying boss.  Louisa explains…”Yes my sister knows The Mystery Careers Adviser who told her about this book.  I was fed up with my boss pouring cold water over my ideas, and had frankly had enough of it.  My boss  ’The Witch’ has been ruining my life, so my sister suggested I get hold of a copy of this book.   My confidence was at an all time low, but I didn’t feel brave enough to stand up to her.  Yes, I know you can’t just wave a magic wand and hope it will all go away, but since ”Discover” I’ve had a bit of a breakthrough.    The Mystery Careers Adviser carries a little black dog around with her in a basket and is a real people person apparently”

Another sighting we’ve received came from Dan “Scarecrow” Burnside who lives somewhere in the South East.  He heard about her through his Doctor.

Dan – Successful Entrepreneur, visited his GP suffering with chronic stress.  “The penny dropped when my Doctor said I had to come off all the pills he’d prescribed to me.  All he did was hand me a copy of a book - which had mysteriously found it’s way into his hands.  I can only think that the Mystery Careers Adviser had something to do with it.  It was hard to admit that I have been the engineer of my own downfall.  Being so stressed, I just wasn’t thinking straight.  And  frankly it had knocked the stuffing out of me. But after reading the book and putting into action some of the strategies, I’m back on track and on fire!”

So, be on the look out for the Mystery Careers Adviser.  She’s in her twenties, attractive with dark hair and wears red sparkly shoes.  We don’t know what her name is.  She’s been known to engage in random acts of kindness by giving away a book which contains all her secrets.  We think there’s a bigger organisation behind her.

Further information on the ‘magic’ book can be found here…

The new year is looming, and thousands of individuals are facing a career crisis, because either they haven’t got a job, their job is on the line or they just can’t stand their job any longer.

But faced with another 12 months of uncertainty in the economy – many people are reflecting on HOW they can change anything.  It’s easier to put up with what you’ve got isn’t it?  It may seem completely stupid to even contemplate changing career or looking for a new job now don’t you think?

But what if you’ve decided to take the plunge anyway – could you use something to give you some ideas as to how to do this?  Perhaps you know someone who’s job is in the doldrums and could use a bit of a kick start for the new year. 

Well look no further!  Welcome to “Discover Yourself On The Yellow Brick Road – 7 Core Principles of Career Success“.  Told through the eyes of three modern day heroes on their search for personal and professional fulfilment – this is a complete coaching programme which will benefit anyone facing change or who is looking for the courage to try something new.

This book changes lives!  And many people who’ve read it have found something within themselves to make the overdue changes that they needed before it was too late! 

Could this be a useful addition to your new year library?  Could this be an ideal Christmas present for a friend or family member for instance? 

Don’t wait any longer – this is probably the most comprehensive and cheapest way of finding career satisfaction brought together in one place.  One little book! 

“Brilliant, this book is great for anyone going through a big change like redundancy or even if you just want to re-evaluate your situation. Wendy’s writing is completely unique and her referrals to the characters in the Wizard of Oz communicates the point in a down to earth way with a touch of humour. Highly reccomended. “  Hayley Roy, Colchester

• Identify and celebrate your own uniqueness
• Smash through the glass ceiling and aim higher
• Package yourself to magnetically attract opportunities
• Power up your self-belief and create unwavering self confidence
• Clarify and strengthen your deepest values and purposes
• Programe your intuition to guide you in the right direction
• Stop following the herd and discover what success means to you
• Develop and work on your own personal success plan

Change won’t happen on it’s own …

Buy “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road” Today

Click here to buy on Amazon Today

Warmest Regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

“I have read so many self-help, motivational and coaching books during my career and it takes a lot these days for me to put my hands in my pocket and add to my book collection, but ‘Discover Yourself on the Yellow Brick’ road is brilliant.

Wendy’s easy style with valuable, punchy points coming at you thick and fast means that I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to make more sense of this amazing journey called life. Not only from a career perspective, but also for your personal development as well.” 

Gail Smirthwaite            , Yorkshire

“This book is excellent value for money. It is written in clear, understandable jargon-free English (not American), and employs helpful case examples to help one identify with the emotion being addressed. This book truly is a bible to personal and professional fulfilment. The author has also included hands-on exercises to assist the reader achieve his/her goals, and covers just about every aspect of the trials and tribulations that we humans encounter in every day life (e.g. love, values, aspirations, capabilities, attitude, and beliefs to name but a few). The author draws on proven NLP and EFT techniques in a non-technical and readable fashion, and interlaces these with humour thus rendering this little gem an easy and enjoyable read. For the price you will not find such good value for money, nor will you find such good advice. After you have finished reading the book you will find yourself picking it up again and again. Thoroughly recommended.”

M King – St Petersburg, Russia 

 Welcome

This Week’s Podcast “Turning Helplessness Into Power”

In this week’s Podcast I interview Debbie Neville of ‘PA Secretarial’ about a really simple technique that she has developed for instantly shifting her mindset when she is feeling less than resourceful – thus moving her from ‘helplessness into power’.

In this short 12 minute Podcast you will learn how this technique helps Debbie every day, whatever challenge she is currently facing, whether this is a minor or a major setback.

Click here to listen:

Powered by Podbean.com

Warmest Regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

Executive Coach and author of “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road – 7 Core Principles of Career Success”

When the CEO decided to allow the male employees of the company I worked for to participate in the annual girl’s Rounder’s tournament (because secretly he wanted to win) – this news was greeted very enthusiastically by the boys, who all rushed to join in.  The opportunity to show off, impress and compete was an chance not to pass up. 

As the captain I put together a team to enter the tournament; and eventually the talk in the pub at lunchtime turned to who had the best hand-eye coordination (i.e. could anyone ACTUALLY hit the ball?).

One chap confidently and  proudly informed us that at school he was a marvel and had no problems in despatching the ball into the next county, and was up for the challenge!

So we met up for our first practise session and our champion batsman stepped forth and prepared to bat, with me standing behind him as backstop.  Now, for that particular season we were fortunate that our bowler played at county level, and trained me to stand really close to the batsman so that if he or she missed the ball,  it would literally land straight into my hands.  However, she bowled so fast I had to wear padded gloves to cushion the impact. 

Our gallant Champion batsman stepped forth to prepare…and that was when I made a really big mistake.  I was so carried away by his past tales of glory that I forgot what my job was.  I forgot that the ball would be hurtling towards me at 90 mph, after it left the hands of our demon bowler.  Instead I was focussing on the bat.

The Demon bowler bowled – Batsman missed…and

Because I was looking at the BAT and NOT the BALL - the ball smacked me in the face full pelt.  I fell to the ground, saw stars and was convinced I’d gone blind, feeling really stupid and actually rather annoyed with him for not delivering the goods!

Who here can put their hand on their heart and honestly say that at some point whilst running their business they’ve never been approached by a wise man bearing gifts and been lured away from their core purpose?

 And did you discover months later that had you applied more effort and focus on what you were already doing, you’d have achieved far more instead of being distracted or seduced by something sparkly and new?

And did you feel angry at them for letting you down, and furious with yourself for taking your eye off the ball in the first place?

And did the reality of that hit you smack in the face with the realisation that you’d just wasted 6 months on a fruitless exercise?  What’s your experience and what did you do? 

Were you distracted by some inducement or get rich scheme which in fact wasn’t any better than what you were doing already? 

Relax, it’s happened to everyone.  And most of us are sadder and wiser after the event.

Here’s a top tip for next time you are faced with temptation to abandon what you’re doing in favour of something else.  Remember if you take on too much you are in danger of straying into Arthur Daley territory, galloping after the latest fad, whilst neglecting the one thing that you’d already invested a lot of time and energy in - and upon which is built your reputation.  Being a jack of all trades waters down your credibility and then others get confused about what you actually represent.  Your presence and power is diminished; because others will question what you STAND for.

If you’re in two minds about an enticing new opportunity - run the idea past your CORE PURPOSE first and ask yourself – is it the END RESULT that you’re chasing?  Does it fit with what you’re  already doing? Have you considered whether the vehicle you’ve chosen to move towards your objectives is the right one or if you’ll even enjoy the journey (and the view).

Your success is as a direct result of the choices you make – so take responsibility for the choice.  Sometimes there is merit in staying on target before you lose interest or momentum with what you are already doing; because you never know – the fire you’ve been nurturing and tending so patiently and diligently could eventually catch light…

My New book is now ranked higher up the Amazon Career Bestseller list than Alan Sugar’s Biography! I never EVER thought that would happen to me. Must remember the date Monday 8th June!!