Or how not to handle your staff during a crisis

Before my car was stolen one freezing January afternoon, I had quite a lot of respect for one boss I used to work for.  I thought he was a fair minded, well balanced decent bloke.  But I was wrong.

The theft of my car meant that I had to get a lift home, I was extremely upset and of course I had no transport or means of getting to work.

The journey to work the next day took two train journeys plus it was the middle of winter, and minus 3 degrees.  Now for reasons known only to my boss, he chose to wait in his office for my arrival the next morning.

He confronted me in his office and asked me why I was late, and when I gave my reasons he read me the riot act and announced –  “I don’t care what’s going on in your personal life!  Your job is to get here for 8.30 in the morning.  Get yourself another car!” 

Of course I handled it beautifully – I completely lost it and accused him of being totally insensitive and thoughtless.  Then he marched me into my office  and told me to calm down while he went and called the HR Manager to convene a hastily arranged formal “warning”, saying that I was behaving like a ‘fish wife’ by ranting on at him.  Then he locked the door and didn’t come back for an hour!  A rather medieval approach to man management I thought.

I was baffled.  My boss was clearly off his rocker, but little did I realise that this was the beginning of a long campaign to bully me out of my job.  It would be a long and very tense 12 months as he pulled every trick out of the book to ‘engineer’ a reason to get me fired.  It was scarey.

With hindsight of course I have my own views on that, which I won’t share here, suffice it to say that I am surprised he’s still walking around.  And I definitely should have taken legal advice. 

But  my point here is that handling staff could for some managers be unchartered territory.  And in some situations you may find that any demonstration of emotion may be a bit scary and like a rebellion, must be crushed to a pulp immediately; because in some institutions emotion has no part to play in corporate life, as it’s seen as weakness and a threat to the status quo.

But the truth is, we are all human and sometimes “shit happens”.  But how do you handle someone who’s probably not operating at 100% because of one or two things going on in their life,  which could temporarily affect their performance or their attitude? 

Do you right them off and get rid of them asap?  What if you used another approach like coaching them?  Granted they might leave of their own accord because they are clearly in the wrong role; or  you could work on their training, performance and self development and thus turn them into a bit of a star.  The complete win/win.

Of course this may never happen to you, and your staff may never cause you any problems, but just in case they do here are a few guidelines:-

1. If a crisis has loomed in their life, first ask questions and get the facts about the situation
2. Be supportive and don’t make assumptions or judge them prematurely
3. Work at finding a solution by using proper protocols and staff grievance procedures
4. Be careful how you handle potentially sensitive or volatile situations, because  if things take a turn for the worse and your member of staff walks out – this could back fire badly on you later.  I was systematically bullied out of my job and received zero support from the management team.  I should have taken legal advice but chose not to.  If you are not following employment law guidelines or at the very least have taken some advice on HR/Health and Safety policies and procedures you could land in hot water.
5. Treat people with respect.  Handling staff can be really tough, but accept that people do make mistakes or go off the rails occasionally.  Think “the problem is the problem, not the person”
6. Think about providing some coaching or mentoring – so rather than trying to fix a ‘problem’ person – look at ways to enhance their performance and turn them into an asset rather than a liability
7. If a member of staff is experiencing temporary personal difficulties – (i.e. having their car stolen by a maverick ex-partner for instance) just let them go home and get themselves sorted out. 
8.  Trust that they will be thankful for your faith and belief in them and return the favour with loyalty and commitment

Now, unfortunately my boss  lost a golden opportunity to do the decent thing for another human being. 

Which is basically why I went into the coaching business.  At the end of the day performance and bad management is all down to the same thing – behaviour and how you handle the situation.  Think in every interaction with someone else you are always 51% responsible.  It’s a two way street.

I’m knee deep in creating a special report “The Accidental Entrepreneur -  200 things I wish I’d known when I started my business” which contains the results of a short survey of entrepreneurs and the challenges they have face when starting their businesses – which includes handling staff. 

Hear what they have to say when this is published next month.

Warmest regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

Has a good night’s sleep turned into a myth, is it a thing of the past or something that ‘other people’ have, but not you?   When WAS the last time you slept right through? And is this affecting your ability to be really effective in your job, your ability to make decisions and handle stressful situations…? 

 Well, if you’re struggling to find the answer I’ve been given some top Tips from Top Coach June Whittle.  Read on…

 You’d be surprised if I told you the most common method of dealing with sleeplessness. Most people who struggle to sleep have NO sleeping strategy. They do NOTHING about it and suffer daily. Let me share with you 5 top sleeping tips which will change your life forever.

 5 Top Sleep Tips

•  Be open-minded. Some of these tips might seem simple – even obvious. Have you tried them though? … Consistently? … Really?
• Remember ‘doing nothing’ is the most common attitude to sleepless nights! Do something – notice the difference!

1 . How do you ‘signal’ to yourself that it’s time for sleep? Cultivate a consistent, calming bedtime routine. Give yourself time for reflection.  Focus on the good things in your life. Think of at least 3 good things that happened during the day – however small.

 2. How often do you exercise?  If you’re tired and haven’t been sleeping, I know that the last thing you want to hear about is exercise!! Studies show that sufferers of persistent fatigue benefit from low-intensity exercise like an easy walk.

 3. Do you listen to anything that will gently guide you to sleep? Buy, beg or borrow a relaxation or sleep CD for quick results – if you listen to it!! It helps you to ‘switch off’ and drift into a soothing sleep. If your mind is buzzing and you can’t let go of all the thoughts whizzing around in your head, listen to it! Replace those thoughts! If you wake in the night and can’t get back to sleep – listen to the CD. My Sleep CD has a track to gently guide you to sleep when you go to bed AND a track to guide you back to sleep when you wake in the night. www.sleepless.zite.me

 4. What time do you close the kitchen? Avoid food and drink for at least 2 hours before you go to bed.

 5. Can you do this? Turn off the television and your mobile phone! Do it at 30 minutes before you go to bed. Exposure to the ‘talk’ mode signal of a phone has been found to delay the onset of sleep.

 Now, enjoy a good night’s sleep and notice the positive changes it brings to your life.    

June Whittle’s sleep CD will support you in your desire for a deep and beneficial night’s sleep.

Available from www.sleepless.zite.me

 Welcome

This Week’s Podcast “Turning Helplessness Into Power”

In this week’s Podcast I interview Debbie Neville of ‘PA Secretarial’ about a really simple technique that she has developed for instantly shifting her mindset when she is feeling less than resourceful – thus moving her from ‘helplessness into power’.

In this short 12 minute Podcast you will learn how this technique helps Debbie every day, whatever challenge she is currently facing, whether this is a minor or a major setback.

Click here to listen:

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Warmest Regards

Wendy Dashwood-Quick

Executive Coach and author of “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road – 7 Core Principles of Career Success”

I have a confession.  I really shot myself in the foot when I wrote a self development book for the British market; because let’s be honest, the majority of the UK population (unlike our American cousins) don’t ‘do’ self development.

That’s why we invented boxing, rugby and Millwall on a Saturday afternoon.

The British have their own version of self development which we call ‘the stiff upper lip’, the Charge of the Light Brigade, Polar Explorers and heroes courageously changing the world with one hand tied behind their back, and still home for tea at 5.00 o’clock; and all without breaking into a sweat! 

The stiff upper lip has been in our blood for centuries – but the big flaw in this strategy in this – it creates problems somewhere else, later on.

Take Queen Elizabeth I for example.  She led a nation, devoted herself to reform, had the mind of a political genius, and saw off The Spanish Armada. Even when hearing that her former lover and life long friend Rober Dudley – Earl of Leicester  had suddenly died – she sank to the stone floor of her bed chamber and lay there alone for three days and wept, and ate or drank nothing.

The average Brit doesn’t need any ‘help’ thanks.  Perhaps its centuries of invations, plagues and wars.

Even Brits abroad don’t really enjoy themselves – instead what do they do?  They end up having a punch up and get thrown into prison.  OK OK, not necessarily your Auty Sylvia, but I think you know what I mean.

So, why did I write a book for a nation that isn’t into navel gazing or introspection?  Talking to a ‘professional’ about your problems is something that we Brits don’t even tell the family cat about, and definitely not your best mates.

Whereas over the pond – nearly everyone has their own Coach, Psychotherapist, or Psychiatrist. 

Over here instead we do 20 pints of lager and a packet of crisps or ‘Retail therapy’.  But underneath the calm British cool; somewhere underneath the manic over achieving workaholic is something called ‘feelings’.

We’ve spent eons running away from our feelings and pretending everything’s absolutely okay in a kind of Monty Python comic way.

But eventually for some people their strategy for coping by NOT letting their feelings show will eventually become an even bigger problem.

The retail therapy leads to debt, the binge drinking leads to liver failure or obesity and the denial of what was once a young man’s dream soon turns into a life of meaningless compromise and a stomach ulcer.

So, I couldn’t write a book telling everyone to just be positive, when a millenia of conditioning has taught the British to be ready for the invasion, death, pestillence and the Blitz!  Being sensitive, tender and caring just isn’t the way its done.  It’s just not cricket is it Carstairs!?

So, I’ve gone via the back door and told three stories of  characters who aren’t having a great time, don’t wake up ready to hit the gym after they’ve drank a pint of pulped seaweed whilst reading that book about goal setting.

The average brit wants reality before they can get to believe that something good’s coming.  Which is precisely what my book is all about.

So, if you’re a Brit reading this and don’t do ‘Self Improvement’ and think its for softies.  Listen up - the people it’s written for aren’t soft.

They’re striving with everything they have – but have hit a brick wall whilst getting there.  That brick wall was created because of their own behaviour, programming and beliefs.  Sooner or later many of us face this challenge.  

However the characters in my book have decided to let their guard down just far enough to let some ideas through, which could in the end be the perfect antidote to their challenges; And in so doing end the pain, save them time, precious energy (and the occasional relationship) along the way and GET CONSCIOUS about what they’re doing – it might just be worth a look.

“Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road” might sound like it’s a book for children - when actually it contains some real sensible, practical and inspirational stuff - and it’s one of the easiest and most straightforward books you will ever read.

Follow the link here to read a sample chapter…

This Week’s Podcast:  3 Keys To Persistence From Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid

Click Here Now To Listen To The Podcast:

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 Or Are You Being Driven By Your Needs…?

I don’t care what anyone says, you may have qualifications coming out of your ears, you may have 20 years’ career experience behind you and an IQ of 160, but the fact remains that if you have unmet needs in your life these ould impede your progress, even without you realising it. These might be completely subconscious drivers, simmering away beneath the surface. This  will manifest in any number of ways. 

For instance, have you ever had conversation with someone who was really excited about something and were keen to share this with you.  But instead of feeling elated and pleased for them, you ended up resenting them?  Their good day was a trigger for you to have a bad one.  And then your day spiralled out of control as you grumpily drove to your next meeting, gesticulating at the driver who ‘cut you up’ at the traffic lights shouting crazily at them, “yeah, same to you – you **** Moron!!”

Unmet needs could include a need for security, love, friendship, power or control for instance.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessary just talking in the negative here. A need might include a strong or adventurous creative streak, or a uuge interest in interacting and entertaining people, but your career might not provide any outlets for your this, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and bored.

Maybe you have a very precise and ordered mind, but the environment you work in doesn’t require those skills. You may be an absolute natural at attracting and engaging with your customers, but instead you’re stuck in the back office working on strategic planning and feel like a canary in a cage with it’s wings clipped. If there is no outlet for your inherent talents you may have to comply and adapt in order to fit in. But that’s like keeping the lid on a pressure cooker.

I fell into this trap many times, trying REALLY hard to get things right, when I should have said to myself “look Wendy, stop and think. Is this where your talents are best spent?” I’d grown tired of working for someone who’s keen eye for detail was driving me insane. And the harder I tried to be absolutely perfect the worse it got.  Being a people pleaser got me absolutely nowhere.

What I didn’t know was that actually had I been a little more self-aware and made the conscious choice to apply my natural gifts and transition into something else, I would have found myself effortlessly moving into ‘the zone’. I would have been less stressed and lacking in confidence, because once I’d identified something wasn’t quite I could then proactively take action . Which is why our emotions have a very important role to play here.

Sometimes we may experience negative feelings and assume that these must be suppressed at all costs because we fear failure or being exposed as falling short in some areas. Consequently our deepest needs stay buried for years, and our true potential never sees the light of day.

But what if you were to stop for a minute and acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling as a sign or a warning flag
that’s madly waving at you which says: “hello, pay attention, we’re trying to tell you something – you need to take some action here”.

Interestingly if you were unable to feel any emotion this would seriously impact on your ability to make decisions, which is why emotions are crucial guides in our decision-making process.

At this point, if you are a man reading this, the subject of emotions and feelings might possibly be enough to bring you out in a rash or make you run for the hills. That’s absolutely fine and I want to reassure you that this blog isn’t about getting in touch with your ‘feminine side’ or encouraging you to sit around in a circle singing sad songs with a tambourine.

However, the word ‘emotion’ doesn’t necessarily equate with weakness or failure.

Emotions are warning lights for us to act upon. Feelings of slight unease could deteriorate into bigger and more profound emotions when these flags are ignored or dismissed altogether. But living with feelings of regret and guilt for instance, have so little energy attached to them they achieve precisely nothing. So, if you bring your needs to work either because you aren’t working to your strengths or haven’t acknowledged that there’s something amiss, then you might engineer situations in order to satisfy them and get a quick fix instead, which is a short term strategy. If your career doesn’t provide you with an outlet for your natural talents and skills your progress up the ladder may be slow, especially if you either a) don’t recognise there is a problem or b) aren’t prepared to reflect on this or change direction to look for something more rewarding (because presumably you’re too busy being grumpy). The energy will have stalled and you won’t be in the flow.

A need may become a blind spot that you don’t even realise you have, although to other people it probably stands out a mile. This blind spot may manifest in any number of ways, to your detriment. For example, if you insist on your colleagues conforming to your methods (because your method works for you but not for them) others may resist you, argue with you, contradict you and then eventually fall out with you completely. For
instance, if you’re a big picture person but your superior is a lover of fine detail and they spent more time than is absolutely necessary pointing out the minor flaws in your plans, this may grate a little, leading to some frank
exchanges and major differences of opinion. And who’dbe right here? Is anyone ever absolutely right?

We can be quite territorial when it comes to our needs and go to extreme lengths to preserve our ‘patch’ and may expect other people to conform or tow the line to preserve the status quo.

Listen and pay attention to the signals you are receiving through your feelings and think about how you are currently dealing with them. Sometimes we deal with our needs in odd and not very logical ways. This is your subconscious mind, like a little kid brother or sister, desperately trying to make things right for you but without the benefit of experience or balanced rational thought.

More strategies like this can be found in my new book “Discover Yourself On The Yellow Brick Road – 7 Core Principles of Career Success”

 Advice For Workaholic Adrenaline Junkies…

If your workload or career is pushing your stress levels through the roof, then what follows is a simple guide to how your brain works. I know because, being a borderline adrenaline junkie, I’ve had to learn some of
these strategies myself to stay balanced. Believe me,  beating stress is more about being a big kid…here’s why.

Do you remember when you were a child and the summer holidays seemed to last forever? You invented games to play from the most innocuous and mundane objects, which became holy shrines or magic keys. Drinks turned
you into a superhero. Up until the age of 10, that is.
That’s because before the age of 10, children primarily use the right hemisphere of their brain – the creative side. The creative right side of the brain produces Alpha waves, and when you meditate, your brain produces more Alpha waves. In Alpha we naturally have a better command of life, our health and our moods. We are able to think more clearly, can consider responses and perhaps make more creative decisions, with better longterm results. Alpha thought waves help us to access that part of the brain responsible for more enlightened, sophisticated thinking.

John Levine composes Alpha Music to help people relax and is used by Complementary Therapists to help their clients easily produce Alpha waves and therefore enter a deep state of relaxation very quickly. I was introduced to this music by a therapist friend, and regularly listen to
this when I am brainstorming, writing when relaxing or meditating. It’s extraordinarily serene. According to Levine research shows that when we’re in Alpha through to Theta (as we prepare to go to sleep), the brain also produces a number of chemical hormones which affect our mood, productivity and general health. Delta waves then take over as we fall into slow wave (deep sleep). However, after the age of 10 different brain waves take over – Beta waves. Beta waves vibrate at a higher frequency and are linked with the left logical side of the brain. Coincidentally this is when children move on to secondary school, where everything gets really ‘serious’. Gone are the lazy days spent fishing for newts and making mud pies (by the way if you didn’t made mud pies when you were a kid – you haven’t lived!). Now it’s all homework, course modules, mock exams, routines and remembering loads of facts – fun, eh? Leaving  precious little time for imaginative thinking, talking or creative pastimes, which could lead to stress.

Levine also discovered that although Beta waves are important, if this is the dominant thought wave, we remain hyped-up and stressed. So being in this state is not good long term. We are less likely to make rational choices and our responses are more primitive as higher thinking begins to shut down. However, some people appear to be born with a gift for increased Alpha wave production. Scientists have established that creative people operate in Alpha and Theta states far more frequently than the rest of us.

Eventually we leave school to start a career, with the accompanying train timetables, spreadsheets, passwords e-mails and compliance, etc. All logical left brain stuff and yet more Beta brain activity. In fact bringing your creative streak out in a work environment (in some organisations) is positively frowned upon and discouraged. Until, that is, you wake
up one morning and wonder why you haven’t a single scrap of innovation left in you. You can’t switch off because you’re so stressed-out having to reach all your ‘targets’. As Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional
Intelligence” puts it “Stress Makes You Stupid”. With all that Beta brain activity going on, there’s just no inspiration or fun in your life any more. Using ‘Beta’ thought waves too often is like driving your car everywhere in first gear. Being grown up and serious has  actually become really stressful. All the routine, discipline and targets haven’t actually made you anymore effective or indeed any happier. Need I say more?

This is where you may become even less effective, shut off from the ‘source’ – the source being the pipeline leading directly to all new ideas and innovation: your creative right brain. Although it is important to point out that you need a good balance between the left and right sides.

“Experiments show that most children rank highly creative (right brain) before entering school. Because our educational systems place a higher value on left brain skills such as mathematics, logic and language than it does on drawing or using our imagination, only ten percent of these same children will rank highly creative by age 7. By the time we are adults,
high creativity remains in only 2 percent of the population.”
Dan Eden, Editor, Viewzone.com

Early signs of stress include being a bit tetchy, food cravings, mood swings, feeling extremely tired or hypedup leading to sleep problems caused by too much Beta brainwave activity and stress hormones racing around your bloodstream.

Long-term stress will have disastrous consequences for your health. As you get older, your body will find it harder and harder to cope and could be the reason why some people are struck down with chronic conditions
such as arthritis, chronic fatigue, IBS, High Pressure, and raised levels of cholesterol. The short-term solution is treatment with conventional drugs, when in fact the long term and ultimately the best solution is to
give your lifestyle a complete overhaul.

Not paying attention to your stress levels and lifestyle, affects your body, your energy levels, and your resistance to stress. Ultimately, your ability to rationalise and memorise, and your performance at work will suffer.

In this week’s Podcast Suzanne Bolwell-Davies from Flexible Hr Ltd and I are discussing  the real meaning of “The Jewel In the Nile“.    If  a coach ( i.e. a ‘Diamond polisher’) could walk into your life with the skill and the wisdom to guide you in the right direction, would that become a priceless opportunity?

I have put together a list of 50 reasons why coaching can help individuals who are finding their career too stressful, who have aspirations to aim higher but haven’t so far taken action, or who would love to discover just what they are destined to become.  As the character played by Danny Di Vito Discovered in this film, sometimes what you’re looking for isn’t necessarily the end of the story …

 Click Here To Listen (12.42 mins)

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Don’t talk about it – just take action – just do it, something, anything!!

I once abseiled down the side of a 100ft office block for charity. I was lured into this feat by the prospect of a close encounter with an instructor from the Royal Artillery. The things you’ll do just to see a man in a uniform…!

Anyway, the thing about abseiling is that you once you go ‘over the top’ so to speak and are ready for your descent, nothing much will happen unless you push yourself out – out into empty space! At the same time you have to loosen the rope in one hand because if you don’t push or let go, you’re not going anywhere. It feels very strange at first and a bit counter-intuitive because your mind and body is screaming “why would I consciously want to push myself off a ledge 100ft up in the air whilst letting go of a rope?!”

This is exactly the same feeling we get when we’re faced with change. We know we’ve got to move out of our comfort zone into unknown territory, but nothing will happen unless we move into a space that makes us feel very uncomfortable indeed. Change is about letting go of the past, but pushing into the future without really knowing what’s coming next!

It takes courage to do both at the same time because our natural instinct is to sit tight, hold on and wait. There is, however a pivotal point where, with a bit of encouragement from someone else (i.e. in my case the army man!), we take a deep breath, let go and push – and bingo you’re on your way. After that the adrenaline kicks in and you feel stupendously and ridiculously happy!

If you’d like some strategies for letting go, embracing change and creating a meaningful future then more strategies can be found in my new book due to be published officially on the 8th June. “Discover Yourself On the Yellow Brick Road” is chock full of stories, activities, strategies and tools and tips all geared to help anyone who’s currently thinking “who am I, what do I really want from my career and how will I achieve that?”

Not sure if this is what you need? Then take a test drive and read a sample chapter here

http://www.myebook.com/index.php?option=ebook&id=7008